Can a marriage survive infidelity? You might be wondering as you sit there thinking about your future, the future of your marriage and the meaning of love and commitment. The easy answer is to say YES a marriage CAN survive infidelity … however this does not mean all marriage can do this or should do this even.
I of course encourage everyone living in a marriage after infidelity to try to make things work but I do understand that everyone’s situation is different. Some marriage perhaps should not be saved for the betterment of both partners and some infidelities are so far beyond the pale that the pain may be too great. However, I believe these are the minority of cases and not the overwhelming majority as most people seem to think.
Really what determines the success of a marriage after an affair is the ability to understand not only your partner’s actions but also your own emotions, actions and your marriage up until this point. The affair never exists in a vacuum and while this does not mean you have any fault in it knowing the reasons behind it really makes the difference when deciding whether to take on this challenge and fix your marriage, or to call it quits.
I would say that the chances of overcoming infidelity I a marriage if you can understand everything surrounding it and you still want to find a way to make it work and heal the hurt and anger is quite high. Certainly if you do the right things and learn to handle your emotions and get a deeper understanding the success rate becomes higher and higher. If this desire to make your marriage endure is also driven by a love that exists despite the betrayal then the chances rise even further.
What makes these attempts fail is lack of understanding, lack of control and lack of direction and purpose. I had all of these things when I first tried to patch things up with my wife after her affair but managed to pull back from the brink despite my many mistakes.
So if you are encourages and think that your marriage is still worth saving then I applaud you because love CAN overcome and marriage CAN survive infidelity. For more help on how to get through this touch period though I do recommend hearing from an expert in the field. Dr Frank Gunzburg is one such man … his guide will not guarantee you will save your marriage but it will help you increase your chances at lasting happiness by a huge amount.
Surviving an Affair
If your marriage is at crisis point because of an affair then saving marriage after infidelity should be your first course of action. I firmly believe that 99% of all marriages can and should be saved from divorce and can grow stronger as a result.
The first thing that must be done however is stopping the destructive cycle that most couples enter into after infidelity occurs. This is a trap of anger, resentment and regret that is perfectly understandable but is also poisonous and not constructive in any way. Here are three tips that I used to get back on a course of healing and rebuilding of trust after my wife cheated on me.
1. Temper Control
It is only natural to feel angry at your partner for their actions but you need to ask yourself ‘is this going to save my marriage?’ every time you open your mouth. As soon as you lose your temper and get angry or bitter and lash out against your spouse you have just lost an opportunity to heal the rift.
It is an instinct designed to hurt them and make yourself feel better for just a moment.;the primal act of revenge. However what it does is distance yourself from your partner even further, makes them feel more guilty and also more angry towards YOU even if they were the one who had the affair!
In short, if you want to get to the point where you can communicate your anger and hurt in a constructive way that allows you to mend the rift at least a little you must control your temper. Think before you speak, never raise your voice and if you are simply too angry to even talk just say this line: “I cannot talk with you at the moment. We will talk about it later but not now.” … then go for a walk, get out of their way and cool down.
2. Delve into the Affair
Only take this step once you know how to communicate without getting angry! It may sound strange to talk about the one that is destroying your marriage but it must be done. If you ignore the affair and try to forget it then it will fester beneath the surface of your marriage forever and in the end it will come to divorce or a long and unhappy marriage.
You must understand the reasons behind your partners betrayal to be able to work on the problems in your relationship that led to this event. You must understand before you can ever truly forgive … you will never forget, but you can forgive by being close to your partners emotions.
Ask your partner about the details of the affair and never judge or interrupt or get angry (externally at least) when doing this and you will go a long way to saving marriage after infidelity.
EDIT: It forgot to mention one thing when I first wrote this. While this is essential if you try to undertake this BEFORE you fix some other issues this will fail!
Find more about this here
