“How my marriage after infidelity by my wife not only survived … but also thrived!”
Hi, George here again.
Rather than giving general information today I wanted to tell you a little about how I personally overcame infidelity in marriage. I wont pull any punches either, I like to tell it like it is (or was at least) because some of the dumb things I did are important lessons on how NOT to save a marriage from the specter of an affair. I wanted to do this because I feel this might be able to help you avoid these mistakes and get through the bad stuff and come out the other end with a stronger marriage.
That bad stuff covers a lot though, I know it did for me. Lack of trust, anger, resentment, self pity, guilt, suspicion, vengeful thoughts, misery, depression and even blind rage! If at least some of that sounds familiar to you for your situation then I understand and I hope you read on.
You see, after 14 years of marriage my wife had an affair with her colleague at work. Our marriage was not perfect and had its ups and downs during those 14 years but I never thought it was in such bad shape that she would sleep with another man!
I was destroyed by this news when she finally told me.
I acted badly to be honest. I guess I felt justified because she had betrayed my trust … however deep down I knew I still loved her but I did not know how to do that any more. For her part I don’t think she knew how to deal with her own emotions and actions either which led to so many miscommunications, fights and straight out yelling matches that it became impossible to live with.
I move out to give each of us some space to think.
Sitting in a hotel room with my laptop on a crappy internet connection watching bad late night TV I wallowed in self pity at how low my life had sunk and that I could see a divorce looming and I seemed incapable of stopping it! Infidelity in marriage was like a poison I could not stop spreading to all other parts of my life too. My work and my relationship with friends and family were also suffering.
I needed an answer! I needed some guidance! I also wanted to quick because I did not want to sing any lower than this i thought as i watched cockroaches crawl across a dirty carpet.
I started searching for an answer online and found a lot of advice. However most was terrible, some was good but hardly covered everything I needed and the rest I have to say was dodgy links to porn sites. Before I gave up though I managed to find a gem amongst the rubbish which has led me to forgiveness and a happy marriage now.
Click here to find out more about this gem of a guide to surviving an affair
Written by an expert it was not just a collection of half baked ideas and advice but was instead exactly what I needed. Something to give me a plan to follow as well as a clear view of exactly how our emotions work in such a terrible situation. Using this guide first of all allowed me to move back in with my wife, then to break down the walls of resentment we had built up and finally to a point which can only be described as a release from a prison of distrust which allowed an almost spiritual point of forgiveness.
Quite frankly this was not a flashy book nor was it a long book full of details. However it was a concise book that detailed why I had been failing to heal my marriage. It was no so much I was doing the wrong things but I was doing them in the wrong order! By the time I had applied all the advice on this guide we had created a new relationship out of the ashes. It would never be the way it was before so instead we built a new, better and stronger marriage for which I thank god every day.
Suffice to say, marriage after infidelity does not need to be plagued by misery. If you want the help that I got click below to visit the authors page.
9 comments ↓
Hi George, thanks for the write up and the honesty about your situation. I was wondering if anyone really did get over an affair because i feel that i cant and it is tearing me up!
I have never bought an ebook on line before but I will have a look at this because I am so fucking tired of the arguments and mood swings. I just want to be married and in love again.
Hi Warren,
I know the feeling well. I hope you did get a copy of this ebook, not because I think it is some sort of amazing cure all pill for every problem in your marriage from infidelity …. but because it DOES give you the framework, and the knowledge you can use to make the changes nessessary.
Keep faith, be open minded, work hard at it and you can bring that love back in time.
I wish you all the best in this difficult period.
Hey George,
I would just start by thanking you for sharing this online. There is a lot of information on the internet about infidelity, but it usually written by people who have no real knowledge of this subject and are just trying to sell something. I have not experienced this my-self and am grateful, but I have experienced loosing trust in your spouse. It took a while to get it back with some help from a couple counselor.
I’m glad that you found a way to fix your marriage and make it stronger
Hi Mary,
Thank you for the comment! Yes, the trust factor is one of the massive issues that needs to be overcome. Forgiveness and a rebuilding of trust is like a rebirth of a marriage and of your soul I found.
All the best Mary!
Hi George,
I just want to let you know that I too am a survivor of an affair. However, I got so deeply depressed and stayed miserable for 2 yrs after hating my marriage, my husband, myself, and my life! I thought in my mind getting revenge would cure it however it did not I felt just as scummy as I thought of him! Finally, I knew we could not live our lives like that anymore not only for us but our kids knew we hated each other. So one night I stayed up late and watched Fireproof and realized that I couldn’t be without him and I loved him so very much and when I was away from him my god I wanted him with me. We worked through it of course trust is something we have to gain and 1 thing we NEVER do is bring up the past its hurtful and is something we dont want to relive! Thanks for you time.
Hi Tonya,
Thank you so much for your comment and your tale. I am glad you found a way through this – you are another living example that things can get better.
Soemtimes it takes a lot of hard work – sometimes it can be like a switch being flicked in your brain – we all approach it differently.
God bless Tonya
My husband began his affair in 2001 right after I found out that I had cancer. When I found out, he cried and begged me he would leave her and so we stayed together (We have a daughter). I recently found out that he never ended this affair and has been seeing her for 10 years now. He once again cried and told me he would leave her and wanted to be with me. I talked with her and I hope that it really is over. My problem is..I just don’t trust him any more. I tried to get him to go to counseling but he won’t do it. He hugs me and tells me loves me all the time, but when it comes to a more intimate relationship he pulls away. I am so confused and am so tired of not sure what my mood will be like from one day to the next. I feel so alone and don’t have anyone to talk with. I have looked on line for help but nothing seems right for me. I could sure use some advice.
First thing that you should do is to have a talk about the events that have occurred whether it is only the two of you or maybe with an expert counselor trained in cheating. Then and only then will you be in a position to deal with the real problems that result in the affair to begin with.
I used to think I was a forgiving person until infidelity in marriage happened. I tried counseling, I tried to get over things, but when your betrayed like that its so hard. I am aware that even though someone broke our wedding vows, the relationship was in turmoil before this happened. I do think it went too far. I should have fixed the relationship before this happened. I still love them deeply…I just wish I could forgive.
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