Just what are the real reasons for infidelity in marriage? We all have quite skewed opinions on this, but the more you delve into it the less clear cut it gets. The reality is often quite sad in fact, quite fraught with ordinary human frailty and wrong headed thinking rather than pure lust and ego.
This is a list I have compiled from my own research into the matter and I am convinced that men and women have basically the same reasons despite most people thinking that men do it out of lust alone.
- Cultural differences – Sometimes people’s backgrounds of culture or ethnicity are so far apart that there is a gap between them, a distance that seems impossible to cross. This can sometimes lead to one partner falling into something more culturally familiar and leads to an affair.
- Disappointment in partners growth – When we get together we do so because we share something and to begin with we grow together and in the same ways. Somewhere along the way however our growth as people can stagnate or change paths. Our personalities change and suddenly one day one partner cannot see the same lover they fell in love with.
- Unrealistic expectations – This one speaks for itself. What we perceive of marriage being like is often such a lofty ideal that the reality of hard work in a relationship becomes too much of a strain because of our unrealistic beliefs.
- Curiosity – As terrible as it sounds some people simply have to know if the grass is greener and are not satisfied until they know. Most tend to find it is not as good as they think and it ends at that but the temptation is always there.
- Lack of Fun – A lack of excitement and falling into a rut can drive most people crazy. This is easy to remedy in most cases but sometimes communication breaks down so much that this can be a tipping point when an exciting person enters their life that can lead to infidelity in marriage.
- Lack of physical intimacy – Despite what most women think this is the same for both genders in many cases. Physical intimacy is a part of marriage and love and is not simply lust driven but acceptance driven. Being intimate and fulfilled in that regard is essential to a good marriage and when this falters it can spark very bad thoughts in some men and women who seek it elsewhere to fill the hole.
- Unable to accommodate a partner’s needs or expectations – Sometimes a relationship is hard and if you cannot accommodate certain needs or expectations of your partner they might see opportunities elsewhere.
- Poor Communication – So many problems can be solved by talking them through and communicating clearly the needs and desires that should be in a marriage. Sometimes this communication either never existed or broke down somewhere along the way driving them to someone else who could provide what they felt is missing.
You see, I believe that it is rarely that a man cheats on his wife just because his young 20 year old secretary has a tiny waist. It is rare that the poolboy just has such a hard toned body that a woman gives in to him and creates Infidelity in Marriage. These cases may happen but they are usually in the realms of Hollywood and their desire to show the bad guy/girl and not the real emotional drive behind such a thing.
Knowing the reasons behind the affair is a very important thing also. Without knowledge of why they did such a thing your mind will invent reasons and you will chase your own tail and cause all sorts of drama. Understanding brings a level of acceptance which allows healing to begin. It can be hard to get this out of your spouse however as they might know always really understand themselves either!
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